By Madison Russel
The first thing she notices when she walks into the room is that she’s the only woman. The second thing she notices when she walks into the room is that she’s the only Hispanic. The third thing she notices when she walks into the room is that no one wants her there.
At twenty-six years old, Abbie Acosta has the perfect life. She lives in an apartment in Los Angeles with her best friend, Juli. She has a loving family and a great job as a sound producer at the public broadcasting station. The problem is, it’s not enough. In an industry dominated by men, Abbie wants to stand out, not be pushed back. She steps out of her comfort zone, taking jobs she never thought would come her way. With Juli by her side, Abbie begins to believe that maybe she can have it all. This is a story that will resonate with every girl, young and old, who has ever dreamed of working in the field of technology.
The Book Doctors: The story of a female who wants to work in a male dominated field is very fresh and timely. We like how your pitch starts, with her walking into a room and being the unwanted, reviled Other. (For the sake of economy and redundancy, you don’t need to have the phrase “when she walks into the room” each time.) We are absolutely rooting for Abbie to succeed because she’s the underdog, she’s the little person fighting against an unjust corrupt system. The problem with this pitch is that you don’t give us enough. For instance, in the first scene, show us a word picture of how these men are looking at her–give us a few of the snide underhanded comments that are made. We don’t understand why she loves being a sound producer so much. Give us some insights into what it’s like to be our heroine. And we want to know what it means for her to step out of her comfort zone. What are the particulars of the jobs that she takes? When you tell us that she lives in an apartment in Los Angeles with her best friend, that sentence seems very flat. Give us the details of the life she has built for herself with her friend. Show us some of the conflict. Show us the failures and the difficulties. Show us the pigheaded man she’s going to have to overcome. Better not to tell that your story will resonate with every girl, young and old, who has ever dreamed of working in the field of technology. Instead show it to us. Again, no comparison titles. None whatsoever. Wonderful story about a woman entering a male-dominated field and having to fight prejudice to pursue the things she loves in life. The pitch is much too short, and it needs to be filled in with details of what our plucky heroine has to fight against and overcome.
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