Bettina Huntenburg

The Sorcerers’ Keep

by Bettina Huntenburg

When Zanral’s father dies, Zanral loses his magical abilities. Without magic, he is vulnerable to the assassination attempts perpetrated by his bloodline’s rivals. Desperate to reclaim his magic, Zanral flees to find his only remaining family member, his brother Dravnim. With assassins chasing him, Zanral must convince Dravnim to fight beside him against their family’s numerous enemies. If Zanral fails, it will mean both brothers’ deaths and the end of their bloodline.

Arielle: This pitch comes in at 72, which is really a bit of a no man’s land for pitches. It’s not high concept, like Game of Thrones meets Harry Potter. And it’s not detailed enough to give us a sense of what makes your book different from the thousands of other fantasies out there. That said, you have the right bones to your pitch. Now you just need to add some muscle and flesh!

David: I like how you’ve taken this character and put the entire fate of his family and his brother in his hands. But I don’t really know who these characters are. I don’t have a feeling for their personality or what they look like. I don’t hate the villain. I need to know what’s dastardly and horrible and life-threatening about the guy. I want to hiss at him because he’s so evil. I don’t get a sense of what’s different and unique about this magic than the approximately 1,000,000 other stories that have magic in them. And what is the relationship between the brothers? Why do we care about their bloodline? You got the blueprint for a great house here, now it just needs some walls, a roof, and some beautiful picture windows.